Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
