Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
