Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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