we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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