i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
