just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
