Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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