Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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