Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
