My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Randomize
