my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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