if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am never drinking with the goths again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
