we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
