It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
