i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
