I will die if light touches me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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