She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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