Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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