Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
