My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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