I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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