I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
