You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
