Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
