i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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