so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
