shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
