Pregnant stripper...not hot.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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