Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
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is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
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