i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
