the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
