the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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