i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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