i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
