I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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