She is in my trunk
I want to make a zoo with you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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