Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
