apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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