Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..