$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.