Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE