Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
