Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
