My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
