And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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