you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
