i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think my tv is drunk
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
