Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
