I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
