I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
