OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize