I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
