Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize