Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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