Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
