I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
