if i can run in heels then i can drive
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
