She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
