guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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