he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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