I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
